Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
