i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize