Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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