It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
