hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize