Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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