I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
