You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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