She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
