Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
