My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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