wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
PANTIES FOUND
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize