so that wasnt chicken after all
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
