I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
high people should be assigned attendants
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
