what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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