it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm too high and old for this...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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