Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Every concussion has its silver lining
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
