The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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