No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
