you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
