Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
