I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
