Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
