its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wish there were birth control emojis
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
