onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
