I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
