Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
