She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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