Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
