we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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