He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
