That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize