Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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