At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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