Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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