Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
