last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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