I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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