im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
