went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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