That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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