Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
