I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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