I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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