Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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