The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
