this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
