So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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