so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
