So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
