I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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