True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
