I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
