5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
