Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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