i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
