Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
