My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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