I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
