i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
