Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
