this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
