Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
