i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
