He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
