Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
