do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
