I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize