I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
